A-Z of a perfect nursery

As endless as the permutations of genes on your child’s DNA strand, the possibilities for creating a nursery that is both tranquil and stimulating will keep you occupied for months. Start decorating a few months before your child is born and build up a lively stock of toys as you go.

 

A

Age-appropriate themes: Because children grow up so quickly and their developmental phases change rapidly, cut decorating stress by choosing a base theme that will suit a child of any age. Have a good stock of plain-coloured bed linen and towels, and complement with nursery themes for different ages. As they get older, children tend to interact more, which is reflected in the bed linen and curtains they choose. While younger children may be over-stimulated by too many noisy prints, cartoon characters and superheroes start to take centre stage as they near schoolgoing age.

 

B

Baby monitor: If your children are still at crib age, you need to keep a really close eye on them. Short of keeping them in your bedroom, buy a monitor which picks up every sound they make and link it to your lounge or bedroom, so you can race through at the sound of any squeak or squeal.

 

C

Crib rails: Remember that your baby will be monopolosing at least one of your arms most of the time, so get a side rail that can be lifted and lowered using one hand. These days, most cribs use a knee-release mechanism; it’s generally quieter to use and the basic design usually requires that less hardware be exposed.

 

D

DVDs and CDs player: Home movies and videos are great for keeping your child out of mischief and entertained at the same time. Try to include a good selection of educational material as well to ensure your child doesn’t treat the TV as a substitute for more meaningful and interactive activities. Be vigilant about television you select, if any, too, and screen cartoon networks and other children’s channels before you turn them on. Besides tapes and CDs with age-appropriate children’s songs, it is a good idea to keep music filtering softly through your child’s sleeping place during the night. Repetitive though it may seem, the sound of familiar tunes provide a soothing sense of security, and many a parent has found that golden oldies or contemporary perennials like Abba provide a light and pleasant sleep environment night after night.

 

E

Exterior influences: If you have a bright light or electric pole outside the nursery window, eliminate negative energy by keeping curtains closed or use a reflective film on the glass pane to deflect negative energy back to the source.

 

F

Furniture and floors: A primary concern here is safety; make sure there are no protruding nails or edge guards and that all planks are in place. Avoid furniture made with plywood, particle board, and medium-density fiberboard (MDF) because they often contain formaldehyde in their glues. Used furniture more than a few years old, however, is likely to have released all its harmful chemical fumes by the time it’s ready for baby, so those are fine (and affordable) options next to buying furniture made from solid wood, wicker or rattan. Buy secondhand furniture, paint it the same colour as the walls and add a few transfers if you like.

In the floor department, go for hardwood floors made from sustainably managed forests and finish them with a non-toxic or natural sealant. Consider discarding any wall-to-wall carpeting because they trap mould, dust mites, and other allergens.

 

G

Gender-neutral design: Studies show that girls and boys don’t necessarily have different colour preferences, so go for colours and motifs that are not gender-specific, like gingham checks, stripes, plaids and solids in bright, lively colours. Stars, sun and moon can inspire both sexes equally well.

 

H

Hamper for clothes: Rather than a cupboard, which can be cumbersome and costly, invest in a few attractive hampers or baskets for children’s clothes. Label them accordingly and keep one for dirty laundry.

 

I

Interactive toys: Besides keeping your child’s mind active and questioning, interactive toys are a great substitute when there are no other children around. Store them in a fun toy box which itself can be a focal point of the room. Digital games, if your child is old enough, are also a good way of keeping the brain ticking over.

 

J

Jam jars: Gather old preserve jars and coffee tins, jazz them up with paint and labels and keep them handy for everything from loose toys to keys and toiletries. Frame old greeting cards to give your nursery a unique, contemporary feel.

 

 

K

Koki pens: Keep a good supply of erasable felt-tipped pens at hand, together with a noticeboard and/or plastic-coated colouring-in books at hand. Make sure you keep the pens in a mug or tin to prevent them lying around and leaking on the floor. Always encourage your children to put the lids on, keep them out of their mouths and make sure the brand you choose is non-toxic.

 

L

Lighting: Whatever lighting you choose for the nursery, make sure you install it on a dimmer so that you can lower the light for a baby. Because babies are attracted to light sources, chose ones that will shade your baby’s eyes from the glare of a bare bulb. Never install a lamp within your baby’s reach; a wall-mounted fixture is best from a safety point of view as your child gets older, as is a table lamp beside the nursing chair.

 

M

Mattresses and bedding: Besides ensuring that the bed or cot you choose is safe, try to be as eco-friendly as possible. Pick a baby mattress made with wool casings or organic cotton filling. Regular mattresses contain harmful and potentially cancer-causing fire retardants such as polybrominated diphenyl ethers (PBDEs), in addition to equally suspect stain- and moisture-resistant chemicals. Rest your baby’s head on pillows that are stuffed with natural stuffing such as kapok, buckwheat hulls, untreated wool, organic cotton or synthetic-free latex. Dress the crib with organic all-cotton bedding. Conventional cotton is one of the most heavily pesticide-sprayed crops in the world and the chemicals could irritate your baby’s sensitive skin.

 

N

Nappy bin: Possibly the most essential functional item in the nursery, a bin exclusively for nappies should be constantly kept at hand. Line it with disposable, plastic liners and always keep a good supply in stock.

 

O

Overlooked orange: Vibrant and lively, orange is often considered to be too outrageous for a nursery. If you and your child have an adventurous streak, there’s no harm in going a tad over the top or adding a few streaks of orange to the nursery. It’s not called the new pink for nothing!

P

Protective plastic sheeting: Create a specially designated area for painting and other messy pursuits. Cover it with a plastic sheet which can be wiped down and re-used. Keep plenty of sponges at hand in a bucket which can also be used for other activities and cleaning.

 

Q

Quiet and peace: If the room of a neighbouring apartment or house is someone’s living room, the noise may distract concentration or a good night’s sleep. Cover the wall with a heavy fabric or artistic décor which will absorb the noise.

 

R

Rocking chair: Because you will use it to feed your child, it should be comfortable and support your lower back. Cover it with padded cushions covered in a fabric that washes easily and doesn’t stain. Besides being functional, your rocking chair could be a main feature of the

 

S

Shelves and side rails: Possibly the most important item in the whole nursery, shelves are absolutely essential for packing everything from books and CDs to toys and stuffed animals. Besides keeping the floor space clear and adding a sense of order to a potentially chaotic room, they are also a good incentive for your child to learn to pack away afterwards. Add a toy box to keep the really untidy bits out of sight decoratively.

 

T

Table: Essential for changing nappies, a well-placed table is also useful for storing baby’s toiletries and other goods related to day-to-day care. To double up on space, try to get one that has a shelf underneath for storing linen and nappies. Make sure there is space for a wash basin too.

 

U

Under budget: Draw up a very basic budget and scout around secondhand shops for items that are both unusual and not likely to break the bank. Ditch your credit card and ransack bargain bins and garage sales. You’ll be surprised at how much more fun you can make your nursery at a lower cost.

 

V

VOC-free paint: Paint the walls of the nursery with environmentally friendly paint that doesn’t release poisonous volatile organic compounds (VOCs) into the air. Look for VOC-free paint made from all-natural ingredients such as mineral pigments, beeswax, plant oils, crushed limestone, soy resins and buttermilk. Paint the walls in one colour and decorate with bright, self-adhesive transfers that can be removed when baby gets older.

 

W

Waterproofing: Most children wet their beds at some stage of their lives and it is wise to get waterproof underblankets to ensure there is a back-up plan in this event. Always keep spare waterproof underclothes at hand as well as waterproof bibs or disposable potty mitts. In short, anything waterproof is better than not.

 

X

Xylophone: While drums and cymbals provide endless fascination for children, they can also be a nightmare for parents. If your child must vent and explore his/her musical prowess, settle on a xylophone instead. There is a wide range of sizes and colours available and the muffled sound will keep your ears safe.

 

Y

Yellow is mellow: Whether you go for a buttercup shade, or a bright dollop of sun, yellow can transform your baby’s nursery into a tranquil imaginary garden. Complement it with pastel shades if you want a soft look, or go for rainbow colours if you’re into something more bright and exciting. Either way, yellow creates an inspiring and crisp, clean atmosphere.

 

Z

Zoo creatures: Whether they’re plastic or wooden, domestic, farm or wild animals, there’s nothing quite like a set of animals to keep children of both sexes occupied when moments of boredom set in. Add new animals on a regular basis to expand the collection and add variety to your child’s menagerie. An inexpensive gift idea too!

 

(Published in Aquarius, Dubai. Copyright owned by the author.)

 

Parenting from the Womb

While stimulation and protection are crucial to your child’s emotional and social development from the moment of birth, ongoing research shows that the relationship with your child actually begins in the womb. Here’s how to get off to an early start and nurture your bond with your child before birth. 

 Since Dr Arthur Janov published his theory that adult neuroses and anxieties stem from unmet needs in childhood, primal therapists have evolved the theory that much adult trauma actually stems back to the first nine months in the womb.

While this may sound unreal to many because the womb is thought to be a safe and secure place of succour, research has shown that for a lot of people life in the womb was an anxiety-filled struggle to stay alive.

“The mental apparatus of a baby is not suddenly thrown into gear with birth. All the complex tasks associated with living outside the womb – like breathing, sucking, swallowing, touching, smelling, looking, listening – are the end result of mental work long before birth,” says Thomas Verney in The Secret Life of the Unborn Child (Delta, 1988).“By the fourth month after conception, the foetus will suck if his lips are stroked. At five months, if a loud sound is made next to the mother, the unborn child will raise his hands and cover his ears.”

Which is why Patti Good, an emotional wellbeing and relaxation expert specializing in motherhood, promotes the importance of bonding, communicating and acknowledging that the baby is a healthy, happy part of the family from the moment of conception.

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS

According to Good, memories of life in the womb are carried through to adulthood. “I work as a journey therapist where we focus on clearing cell memory using The Journey technique developed by Brandon Bays (Atria, 2002). I have had numerous clients over the years who have gone back to their womb experience, only to pick up exactly what their mother was thinking and feeling at that time.”

Says Althea Hayton, author of wombtwin.com and editor of Untwinned: perspectives on the death of a twin before birth by David Chamberlain (Wren Publications, 2007), “Babies are not a blank slate! They have already had a lot of adventures before birth, and, as Chamberlain shows, the survivors of a vanishing twin pregnancy often have an experience of death that can haunt them all their lives.”

Primal therapists believe that many unborn children who had a difficult time surviving in the womb spend their lives wracked with anxiety and pain, which often manifests itself in bizarre or unusual ways, says therapist Bonnie Randolph. “Some of them transform their pain in admirable ways – creative artists like Vincent Van Gogh, the many sensitive, so-called schizophrenics, and the successful men and women who struggle against incredible odds to achieve, and yet are so full of tension that one wonders how they manage a day’s work. They manage because they did so in the uterus under the most gruelling conditions. They had the integrity, the will, and the strength to stay alive despite the cost – a lifetime of suffering.”

MOOD AND EMOTION

Though the mother’s state of mind is not the only influencing factor in determining the health of the unborn child, Good says it plays a major role.

“Maternal ambivalence has been proven to be as detrimental to the emotional, physical and mental development of the baby/child as outright abuse of the mother during the pregnancy. This indicates how crucial it is for healthy development that a baby needs love, connection and bonding right from conception.”

“The happier and more relaxed the mom feels, the calmer the baby will be, but we need to differentiate between ‘mood’ and ‘ongoing strong negative emotion’. Having a bad day is very different to the stress experienced from being in an abusive relationship/overstressed at work/depression.”

If the negative emotion is prolonged, Good advises that mothers seek professional help. “Because pregnancy is a huge transition for the mom, many old unresolved issues or emotions from her past may surface. If left unresolved, they may negatively impact both the birth and the post-natal period.”

GENTLE DADDY
In keeping with modern attitudes to the role the father plays in the child’s birth, Good says much the same applies to Dad’s mood and regard for the child in utero.

Citing a study conducted at the University of Salzburg, Good says mothers who developed a deep connection with their babies and interacted with play and talk tended to have a healthy self-image and enjoyed the changes happening to their body and body shape. Furthermore, fathers who were involved in this bonding displayed the same respect and awe for their partner and the miracle her body was undergoing.

“The closeness of the couple translated into a direct physical impact on the babies. These mothers experienced fewer premature births and fewer low-birthweight babies. The study also showed greater socialisation of babies whose parents had actively bonded both with the baby and each other during the pregnancy. Reciprocal nurturing of both parents sends a strong message of security to the baby, letting it know it is loved and safe,” concludes Good.
The opposite effect is shown by Verney in studies which indicate abuse, upset and volatile emotions experienced by a mom who is in a bad relationship have a detrimental effect on the baby’s development, while birth research guru Michael Odent demonstrates how traumatic births and those with a high level of medical intervention can lead to criminal behaviour, substance abuse and mental health issues later in life.

A SMALL PRICE

According to Chamberlain, who has been developing early parenting programmes since the 1980s, the outcome has shown that unborn babies benefit from communication and stimulation by forming stronger relationships with their parents. They also show precocious development of speech, fine and gross motor performance, better emotional self-regulation, and better cognitive processing.

In short, these children grow up with greater empathy, better social skills and higher IQ, says Hayton. A precious reward for a little care in a competitive and often unfeeling world.

(BOX) CONNECT AND GROW

There are a range of factors which aid the wellbeing of both mother and foetus.
1. Relax. “Relaxation is vital! When the mum’s body releases endorphins during relaxation, this means she is actively eliminating any stress hormones in her system, as endorphins and stress hormones have a mutually exclusive relationship. This means that the mum is filled with a deep sense of wellbeing and the baby gets the benefit as well. Mums who practice regular relaxation during the pre-natal period have babies that tend to be calmer and feed and sleep better,” says Good.
2. Touch. “Rhythmic touch is also a lovely way of communicating with your baby. What I mean by this is creating a specific pattern of touch, for example pat pat pat, rub rub rub, stroke stroke stroke. This can easily be repeated after the baby is born to give a beautiful sense of continuity.”

According to Verney, the baby responds directly to tactile stimulation by the seventh week after conception. By the sixteenth week, s/he is kicking his feet, curling his toes and sucking his thumb to both explore and comfort himself. “By stroking the abdomen gently from underneath the naval, expectant moms will quickly observe that their baby will stop kicking and relax. By about the seventh month you can start stroking firmly and repetitively from baby’s head towards her toes, which is thought to accelerate the development of the baby’s peripheral nervous system. More importantly, this massage helps the pregnant woman (and her partner) to make contact with the baby, enhancing the baby’s feeling of being loved.”
3. Play music. “Music is a well-known way of connecting with your baby. It evokes both emotion and memory in the listener and if this is the mum, then the baby will feel the effect. Babies who are exposed to soft music or singing during their time in the womb tend to be happier, calmer and better adjusted to life outside the womb,” says Good, who recommends listening to relaxation CDs like those at www.babyjourney.com.

Expectant moms should listen to soothing music 10 minutes or so twice a day, sitting comfortably or reclining in pleasant surroundings, advises Verney. “Besides stress relief, the music stimulates the baby’s mind and serves as an emotional bridge between the mother and her unborn child.”

Adds Good: “I witnessed an amazing example recently which shows just how aware little babies are. One mum played a piece of classical music to her baby all the way through her pregnancy. Once the baby was born, she was so sick of it, she hurled the cassette into the back of a cupboard. About five years later the child found the tape and listened to it, after which she ran up to her mom exclaiming, ‘Mummy, it’s the ‘before music’, it’s the ‘before music’.”

4. Talk and read stories. After conducting a study in which six mothers read story A and six story B to their unborn children twice a day, Verney is adamant about communicating with your unborn child. “When their babies were born, the researchers offered the infants a choice between the two stories. Within a few hours after birth, 11 of the 12 newborns adjusted their sucking rhythm to hear the familiar story as opposed to the new one. This provides the first direct evidence that not only does the newborn hear and recognize the mother’s voice, but also remembers the words.”

5. Eat well. On a nutritional level, cut your intake of toxic substances, such as nicotine, narcotics, too much alcohol and caffeine, and up your intake of vitamins. Omega 3 has been shown to have a direct impact on the development of the child’s brain. Advises Althea Hayton, “Eat as many fresh vegetables as you can swallow. Lots of fruit, plenty of dairy if you can tolerate it, calcium-rich foods such as nuts or seeds, and a good protein-rich meal every day. If there is morning sickness, don’t eat sugary foods like sweet biscuits. Dry wholewheat toast, or soft fruits like bananas are best together with diluted fruit juice. Rest in bed until the blood sugar goes up and then start the day.”

(BOX) Pamela’s story

Pamela* of Cape Town has spent many years in “deep feeling therapies” working though her  traumatic beginnings.

“I initially began therapy to work through childhood traumas,” she says, “and so I was most surprised to find that as I went deeper, memories from long before birth began to surface. My parents fought a lot when my mother was pregnant, and I would become terrified. Not only did I hear the angry voices, but my mother’s stress hormones came pouring into me through my umbilical cord, making me feel horribly agitated, anxious and overstimulated. 

At one stage in my therapy I started having panic attacks, and one particular incident was very upsetting. I had been invited by my cousin’s wife for tea. On the way there, the thought came to me that though Diedré had invited me, my cousin Chris hadn’t, and that he would be angry.

When I arrived, Chris hadn’t come home yet, so Diedré and I chatted. But when Chris arrived, I began to shake and could barely get a word out. I wanted to hide from him, and I didn’t know why. I was in a panic attack for about an hour. I desperately wanted to go home, but was afraid to say so, because if I spoke, it would draw attention to me, and I didn’t want to be “seen”. I was trying to be “invisible”.                                                                                                 

By the time I got home I was aware that the feeling was about being invited by a woman but being unwelcome by her husband. Suddenly I was back in the womb. I lay down and started sobbing, “I mustn’t move, I mustn’t ‘breathe’, I mustn’t grow. I must hide in here, because if he finds out I am in here, Daddy will be very angry.” Then I was sobbing, “Daddy, Daddy, I didn’t come just to be with mommy, I came to be with you too. Please love me Daddy.”

The crying brought great relief, and I realised that I was reliving how I had felt my mother’s terror of having to tell my father that she was pregnant with me. He hadn’t wanted children, but she had.  During my life I had often ‘hidden’ from people and been afraid of being seen. Since reliving that early scene, I have become more confident. 

Before he died, my father said to me, “I didn’t ever want children. But I want you to know that once you got here, you were very welcome, and you wound your little fingers round my heart.” It was such a relief to me to hear him say what I had always known (first unconsciously and then consciously, and we were able to heal our relationship before he died.

* not her real name

 

FURTHER READING
Primal Health (http://www.birthworks.org/primalhealth/) run by birth and research guru Michel Odent.

From Fetus to Child by Alessandra Piontell (Routledge, 1992)
The Inside Story by Joan Raphael Leff (Sheldon Press, 1993)

 Published in Aquarius, Dubai, and Move, South Africa. Copyright Sharon Marshall 2008.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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